The Ice King Verses The Aliens
by Red Witch
Summary: Back in Ooo's past the Ice King annoyed a lot of people before Finn and Jake were around. This is one story of a group of alien invaders who learned not to invade Ooo the hard way.


**Aliens beamed up the disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Adventure Time characters. And some of the names in this story are not mine either. I just had a thought. The Ice King has lived over a thousand years so odds are he had to have annoyed someone else during all that time. Here's one possibility. **

**The Ice King Verses The Aliens**

Earth. 333 Years ago…Before Modern Ooo Era.

"Ah another day another planet to bring into the Xergian Empire," Mogul the Conqueror, Emperor Supreme of the Xergian Race stood at the front of his starship. He was a greenish brown lizard like alien with four arms and a beak like face. He wore a purple robe with gold trim, a gold crown on his bald head, and gold bracelets on all his arms and tail. He also had pointed ears with gold earrings on them.

"Xamot! What planet is this?" Mogul called to his Prime Minister/personal assistant.

"I believe it is called Earth, sire," Xamot spoke calmly. He was a green Xergian with brown robes and had a scar over his left eye.

"Earth huh? Weird name," Mogul snorted. "But it is my right to conquer any world I wish in the name of the Xergian Empire."

"This planet will be an easy conquest," Xamot snorted. "We won't even need half of our fleet to deal with the native life forms."

"Agreed," Mogul nodded. "Wait a second…Is that a huge **hole** on the side of the planet?"

"Like I said," Xamot shrugged. "Easy. The previous civilization already wiped itself out for you."

"In other words this is another defective planet like Persion 7?" Mogul groaned. "Great."

"Think of this as practice for your son when he starts conquering worlds on his own," Xamot explained.

"Practice! Yeah that's one thing my son needs!" Mogul groaned. "Along with a complete personality transplant! Where is that boy anyway? Meren! Meren! Where are you boy?"

"Here Pop," A green Xergian teenage male with long green scales on his head down to his shoulders wearing a purple robe walked in. He also had a crown on his head.

"I am your father! The Emperor of the Xergian Empire! Don't call me Pop!" Mogul snapped.

"Whatever Daddy-O!"

"Ugh! Meren you are of age. And as a prince of the Xergian Realm…" Mogul began.

"Take responsibility. Go conquer stuff. Yada, yada, yada…"Meren waved. "I know I know!"

"Don't you sass me mister! This is a very important job! It's the building blocks of how we Xergians conquered a great and mighty empire! Show some pride and inititive!" Mogul snapped.

"Whatever," Meren yawned.

"And cut your scales!" Mogul snapped. "You look like a female!"

"Da-ad they're wearing head scales long now," Meren rolled his eyes. "Get with the times!"

"Teenagers!" Mogul threw up two of his four arms.

"It's only a fad sire," Xamot told him. "Remember when we were young and everyone was painting their nails?"

"That was different!" Mogul snapped. "A little color brightens up the scales!"

"Good because I painted mine," Meren showed his father. "I painted them pink to bring out the color of my eyes!"

"At least you didn't make them too feminine," Mogul groaned. "Every Xergian knows that pink is the color of war because that's the color our blood is." He looked at his nails. "Maybe I should paint my nails pink?"

"It is a flattering color, sire," Xamot agreed.

"True. Now listen boy," Mogul spoke with authority. "It's time you got into the family business. Your first task is to go out and capture an example of the native life forms of this planet."

"The one with the hole in it?" Meren asked.

"Yes the one with the hole in it," Mogul groaned. "This should not be too difficult for you to do. Just go down there and use your Xergian wits and cunning to capture a life form to study! Or in your case, just do the best you can."

"So what? I just go down there and chase after some life forms?" Meren blinked.

"Well they're not just going to jump into your arms when you call them!" Mogul snapped. He grabbed a bag. "Here's a bag. Now go hunt."

"Don't I like, get a weapon or something?" Meren blinked.

"Were you asleep **again** during your studies?" Mogul snapped. "Because if you were awake you would know that part of your initiation into adult hood is to capture a live beast with your bare hands. Gods boy! When I was your age I was capturing creatures left and right! In fact my father had the opposite problem with me! Said I was doing too good a job hunting!"

"Ugh…" Meren groaned and rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'm going. I'm going. Don't get your tail in a knot."

"I don't know what I am going to do with that boy," Mogul groaned as his son left.

"Be patient Sire," Xamot told his leader.

"I'm done being patient with that little slacker! It's time my boy learns how to be a male!" Mogul said. "Now while we're waiting let's go get our nails done and do some online shoe shopping."

Meanwhile on the planet's surface…

"Okay so…here creature, creature, creature…" Meren stood in a grassy field looking around. "Come on. Come here. Dude hunting stuff is hard."

"HE HE HE! Come to me my beauty!" A familiar voice to us all cackled.

"Huh?" Meren blinked as he turned around.

Across the grass was the Ice King flying after some leaves in the wind. "Leaf princesses! I command you love me!" He called out as he grabbed the leaves. "Love me! Love me!" He landed and hugged them to his chest. "Oh yes, love your Ice King."

"Wow, that is like the weirdest looking bird I have ever seen," Meren blinked.

"Who said that?" The Ice King blinked and looked around. He saw Meren. "Oooh!"

"Wow, you're kind of cute in scruffy way," Meren blinked as he walked to the Ice King.

"Are you a princess?" Ice King asked.

Obviously there was no universal translator. So neither side knew what the other was saying.

"Well Dad wanted me to catch something. Didn't say what," Meren shrugged.

"You look like a princess," Ice King blinked.

"Uh you wanna jump in my bag and go to my ship so we can study you and stuff?" Meren opened his bag.

The Ice King gasped with joy. "You want me to go with you, princess! YES! YES!" He jumped into the bag and stuck his head out.

"Huh, that was a freebie," Meren shrugged. "Don't know what Dad was making such a fuss about."

"Yay! A princess is kidnapping **me!**" Ice King whooped as Meren carried him away. "This is fun!"

Back at the warship.

"You know I am so glad I picked this color," Mogul looked at his newly painted nails. "Really goes with my outfit."

"Sire, your son has returned!" A soldier called out.

"He's back already? Oh great! Probably didn't even catch anything," Mogul groaned. "That miserable…"

"Is this your castle? I **love it!"** The Ice King whooped as he flew onto the bridge and around it.

"What in the seven worlds of the afterlife…?" Xamot gasped. "Ugh it screeches like a warbling sneezoid!"

"_I love princesses! Pretty pretty princesses_!" Ice King sang. Again there was no translator so none of the Xergians knew what Ice King was saying and vice versa.

"Hey Dad I'm back," Meren entered the room. "You were totally wrong. It was like so easy to catch this guy."

"Whoo hooo! I love this place! A bit warm but there's plenty of room for me to fly in!" Ice King whooped.

"That is the ugliest bird I have ever seen," Mogul blinked.

"I think he's kind of cool," Meren said as the Ice King landed in his arms. "He's my new pet."

"No, Meren! He's a biological specimen! You can't have him as a pet!" Mogul shouted.

"I'm going to name him Snerfle," Meren grinned as the Ice King hugged and nuzzled him.

"You are such a pretty princess," Ice King purred hugging Meren.

"He's so affectionate," Meren grinned as he petted him on the beard. "Who's a good Snerfle? You're a good Snerfle!"

"Don't **name** the specimen!" Mogul snapped. "You'll get attached to it and it will be hard to dissect it!"

Two hours later…

"NO! BAD SNERFLE! BAD!" Mogul yelled. He was standing in front of some kind of room. "MEREN! YOU HAVE TO HOUSEBREAK YOUR NEW PET! NOW!"

"That is the weirdest looking toilet I have ever seen," Ice King wandered out of the room. He pointed to the mess behind him and casually wandered away. "Oooh! What does **that** button do?"

"NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Mogul yelled.

"BOOOOM!"

"You just blew up one of my ships!" Mogul yelled at the Ice King. "I haven't even paid for that one yet!"

"Whoopsie. I think I blew something up. Oh well," The Ice King shrugged.

"MEREN! DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR PET RIGHT NOW!" Mogul yelled.

"I'm going to roll around on the floor for no reason. Okay?" Ice King said cheerfully. Then he did roll around the floor laughing wildly.

"MEREN! MEREN WHERE ARE YOU? YOU IRRESPONSIBLE…" Mogul yelled. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew that if he kept this thing as a pet I would have to be the one to clean up after it!"

"He he he he…" The Ice King rolled around. As he rolled around the floor began to ice up. And his from his beard snowflakes flew.

"Great! Now he's rolling around spreading ice everywhere!" Mogul threw up his arms. "Wait a minute…ICE?"

"He he he he…" Ice King kept rolling around making ice.

"Sire! The climate controls are offline!" Xamot bustled in. "Something haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" He screamed as he slid on the ice the Ice King made.

CRASH!

"WHEEEEEEEEE!" The Ice King stood up and twirled around, happily dancing on the ice.

"I think I broke my arm…" Xamot moaned from where he lay. "Not sure which arm but I'm pretty sure one is broken…"

"This is not good…" Mogul blinked. "GUARDS! GUARDS!" He looked around. He went into the hallway. "GUARDS!"

"Uhhh…." Two Xergian warriors were frozen in ice. They could barely move.

"Never mind," Mogul groaned. "MEREN! GET YOUR SCALY BUTT IN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

"LA LA LA LA!" The Ice King laughed as he skated around making snow.

"Geeze Dad turn up the temperature!" Meren grumbled as he walked into the room. "Why is it so cold? Where'd all the ice come from?"

"Funny you should ask!" Mogul pointed at the Ice King dancing around.

"Wheeeeeeee!" The Ice King laughed as he froze up some controls on the control panel.

"Meren, Snerfle is an **ice creature**! We're reptiles which means our species is cold blooded!" Mogul snapped. "Do you see the **problem **here?"

"Uhhhhh…." Meren blinked.

"Gods give me strength," Mogul groaned. "Meren…cold temperatures put our kind to sleep! It can even kill us if we're not careful!"

SNAP! CRACKLE! FIZZ!

The control panel that was frozen began to fizzle. "Sir! That's the gyroscopic controls!" Xamot gasped as he held his broken arm.

"So? What do they….?" Meren began when suddenly the ship began to fall.

"AAAAAH!" Everyone except for the Ice King screamed as the ship plummeted towards the planet.

"WHOO HOO! THIS IS FUN!" The Ice King laughed as he flew in the air. "I'M FLYING! Oh wait, I do that every day!"

"AAAAHHH!" Mogul yelled as he made his way to the frozen controls. He pulled out a laser sword and cut through the ice. He pushed several buttons and managed to stop the ship just before it crashed on the surface of the planet. "Ugh!"

"Hey lets do that again!" The Ice King chirped as he playfully hugged Mogul from behind.

"I rest my case!" Mogul snapped. "Even if we are careful that thing will blow us up!"

"Somebody needs a hug!" The Ice King chirped.

"GET OFF ME!" Mogul threw the Ice King off.

"Sir! The climate controls have been frozen! The temperature of the ship is going way down!" A voice came from one of the communicators.

"Gee I wonder how **that **happened?" Mogul snarled glaring at the Ice King. "I knew I should have dissected this thing when I had the chance!"

"You don't think there are **more** of these things out there do you?" Xamot gulped.

"I don't want to find out," Mogul snapped. "SNERFLE YOU'RE OUT OF HERE!"

"Hey where are we going?" The Ice King blinked as Mogul grabbed him and shoved him into a tube.

"LAUNCH! LAUNCH NOW!" Mogul hit a button.

"WHEEE!" The Ice King was launched out of the torpedo tube. He then managed to use his powers to fly into a circle. "That's fun!"

"Crap, he's still alive! I forgot he could fly!" Mogul snarled.

"Hey guys! Let me in!" The Ice King tapped on the window. His touch frosted the glass. "Whoopsie!"

"That's it! We're getting **out **of here!" Mogul shouted. "I am officially declaring this planet off limits to the Xergian Empire! In fact I'm going to make this whole stinking solar system off limits to everyone! That crazy maniac is just too dangerous to let loose on the universe! And if there's more than one of him around….Uhggghh…Outer space would never survive!"

"I'll draw up the papers proclaiming this system to be a wildlife preserve," Xamot sighed as he shuffled away. "After I get out of the infirmary."

"Bye Snerfle…" Meren waved from the window. "I'll miss you."

"Why did I ever have children?" Mogul moaned as the ship left the Earth's atmosphere.

"Princess! Come back! Come back!" The Ice King cried out in loneliness."Don't leave me princess! Princess! I want my princess! WAAAAAHHH!"

Just then the wind blew another leaf by him. The Ice King stopped crying and was entranced by the leaf flying by.

"LEAF PRINCESS! MINE!" The Ice King whooped and went back to chasing leaves.

Meanwhile from the planet Mars Abraham Lincoln and the four headed deity Grob Gob Glob Grod watched the alien armada flee the solar system.

"Told you we didn't need to intervene," Glob said to Abraham Lincoln.

"Well that was a freebie," Abraham Lincoln said.


End file.
